Thirukural and Psychology

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கரப்பினுங் கையிகந் தொல்லாநின் உண்கண்

உரைக்கல் உறுவதொன் றுண்டு….

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In English, it means, Even if you hide, your divulging eyes reveal That something lurks in your mind.

In psychology, understanding others without verbal expression is sometimes called interpreting nonverbal communication, sometimes empathy, and occasionally social awareness. 

People want others to understand them without them uttering a single word- often, we need others to understand our pain, needs, wishes, worry, fear, sadness, anxiety, fear, joy, and all other’s emotions. People find opening up and expressing their feelings, emotions, and thoughts challenging. 

People high on Emotional Intelligence tend to understand their and others’ emotions with or without verbal expressions. 

As Thiruvalluvar said, sometimes it is possible to understand others’ pain, joy, and sadness by how they look; if they are loved ones or beloved ones, they can know that something is wrong with them. 

At this moment, you may know they have something in their mind, but is it possible to see the root cause of it? 

Thiruvalluvar, in Thirukural, spoke about a man and woman who are in deep love and can understand each other’s pain by looking into their eyes. 

Looking back at our households or school days, we would have observed someone being sad and asked why they were upset. At home, once we return from school, if our mother is upset, we can sense it immediately. 

Have you ever wondered if life is the same as it was? When did you last ask others, your friends, family, spouse, or loved one, how they were doing? Have you noticed their facial expression? Looked into their eyes? If yes, I appreciate you for being mindful at the moment. 

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present, widespread by different names: Dhyana in Hinduism, Sufism in Islamic, and Mysticism in Christianity. The state of “Being in the Present” can be achieved through practice. Research says that Mindfulness is the way to Emotional Intelligence.

Learn Mindfulness In Simple Steps

Mindful Eating: Start your practice of Mindfulness with eating. It is observing your food color, texture, shape, taste, observing how much time it takes to get swallowed. 

Mindful Breathing– It can be done whenever and wherever possible for you- Observe your breathing pattern. 

Mindful Bathing: How many of you felt grateful for your body? Bathing is the best time to be thankful for your body; say thank you to your body for the work it does, your stomach, guts, legs, hands, eyes- every part- nurture it when you take a bath every day. 

Once You have achieved practicing with yourself, start being mindful of the various things you do in your day such as Being Mindful of your loved ones: help you grow your relationship; as Thiruvalluvar said, you can find their pain, even without them speaking. 

At the coffee shop

This is aaldipatiyan, a coffee shop in Chennai, TamilNadu, India.

This coffee/tea shop is spacious, at busy location. This outlet tries to bring the traditional taste of karupati(palm jaggery) with its tea/coffee/snacks and savories.

If we can sit for a while at any hour of day, we can observe individuals talking to each other in a fun & serious modes.

All these interactions and communication is so important to each and every person involved in it. Important means, its not materialistic. Rather it helps individuals to feel wanted, the need for affiliation, is achieved through small, quick interaction and communication. It involves, their world, only theirs, to reduce their work stress most of the time. people here won’t bother about who is sitting next to them, until they look well groomed. We can see both men & women in their pajamas, formal and informal dresses.

There is one corner, decorated in a vintage look, with a hut. Person wearing a t-shirts of their outlet name, is busy making many tea/coffee in fractions of second. The tea and milk is boiling continuously to satisfy, lot of people’s choice.

The place is well lit, a combination of blue and white light in around the tree and the surroundings, while interior decorated with bright yellow light to enhance the mood, which gives it a special vibe to the people who visit this place..

Now, if we travel to a tea/coffee shop in a village, that gives us different vibe from what we got in a city/town. Here also, people are interacting with each other, most of the time, to have the sense of belongingness. The place doesn’t look luxurious, it doesn’t have any decoration, most of the time the shop closes when sun sets.

People coming here will sit and chat for a long period of time, they observe if there is any outsider. We can see men always out number the women who visits shop.

Person who making the tea/coffee doesn’t care promote their brand by wearing t-shirts, that has their brand logo, rather some of the shop doesn’t bother to have a name for their shop.

Many researches have supported the importance of social support which we get from our family, friends and neighbors. Social support, the need for affiliation, sense of belongingness, whatever you name it- whether it is animals or human, we need another living organism to keep our lives lively.

When we look at the prevalence of non communicable diseases such as Heart disease, Hypertension, Cholesterol are higher in the urban people when compared with people in rural areas. Also urban people are with higher in mental health related problems when compared to rural areas.

Human/ Animal instinct is to live longer, to reproduce- there by their genes live longer than them, to protect family and relatives and finally to protect the society he/she lives.

Lets dig deeper..

Who are we? Who are you? Who I am? When you ask a 5th grade kid, he/she will say- I am XXX. I am a good boy/girl, I want to become XXX. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted to be a Scientist.

We are the product of our society, whatever we know is the result of our experiences, moral values, beliefs, culture thought by our society. What do our culture teach/ taught us? What do moral values, beliefs wants from us? As I mentioned earlier, we are animals with 6th sense. Most of our emotions- Anger, Fear, Sad, Joy, Disgust & Surprise are the result of our communication. Think, of the last emotion you felt, and the cause of it. Need for affiliation gives us both positive and negative emotions. Need for power, Need for achievement (Mcclland’s Theory) & Need for affiliation sums up most of the people lives.

Human behavior is always a mystery, if we try to get it solved. There will be always extremes of either ends. Lets look into the positive extremes of human behavior. People are largely divided by Religion they follow & Language they speak. Philosopher’s of all ages, wanted humans to love each other and be happy. In Maslow theory of motivation, People strive for satisfying their physiological needs such as hunger, thirst, shelter and sex. Once they achieved it, they climb up to the need for safety- a house and then to the need for belongingness.

Until they get sense of belongingness, individuals tend to strive for it, once it is achieved, all their energy has stuck, nowhere to go. People now, find new tasks of their capability and strive for it. Few people tend to get satisfied and go with the flow, others tend to be adventures and many more personality types.

When people are aware about the reasons for their behavior, emotions, thoughts and as well as others, they tend to enhance their life experiences.

Have a great day ahead…

Thirukural and Psychology

Chapter Mei Unarthal/ Truth Consciousnes

Desire, Anger and Stupidity or State of Confusion will create a lot of problems in an individual’s life according to Thiruvalluvar.

When we talk about the Desire- it can be a strong wish or need for sexual relationship. A strong motive to have a reproductive activity may be instinctual and strong wish to achieve something in one’s life can be acquired.

There is a difference between Innate desires and Acquired- abilities like hunting to eat, finding a partner to mate are innate and instinctual whereas acquired abilities are taught to an individual by a fellow one in order to have a smooth relationship in each community.

Anger- American Psychological Association states that, an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Emotions are conscious mental reactions with physical and behavioral changes. Emotions can range from joy, sad, anger, fear, surprise and disgust. It’s possible to take control over the emotions according to Daniel Goleman who defined Emotional Intelligence.

At times, emotions are acquired, for example, newborn would never have the fear for height, it is us who taught the child to have the fear for heights, likewise emotions can be conditioned to when should we have happiness, sadness, anger, fear and so on. It is important to be aware of the emotions if not controlled/ managed would impair the physical and mental functioning. Thiruvalluvar, centuries ago also pointed to master the anger (emotion) which impairs the physical and psychological wellbeing of the humans.

Third term, Valluvar coined was Defeating the Stupidity. A State of confusion or Stupidity can turn one’s life/culture/community upside down. Failure to understand or comprehend the given information and communicate back to the society/ family/ friends can create unimaginable chiaos in one’s life. In psychology, opposite of stupidity is intelligence, that is an ability to think rationally in each situation.

Desire, Anger and Stupidity can cost an individual’s peace of mind, path to reach the true consciousness, quality of life, relationship issues and so on. Valluvar gave us the mantra to have prosperous life by being able to control desire, anger and defeating the stupidity that exist in human beings. Here after, we may try to listen to our emotions that flowing inside us in any situation, thereby managing anger(emotions), openness to learn to defeat the stupidity and listening to our desires and satisfying the needed ones.

Thiruvalluvar- Thirukural

காமம் வெகுளி மயக்கம் இவ்மூன்றன்
நாமம் கெடக்கெடும் நோய்.

விருப்பு, வெறுப்பு, அறியாமை ஆகிய இக் குற்றங்கள் மூன்றனுடைய பெயரும் கெடுமாறு ஒழுகினால் துன்பங்கள் வராமற் கெடும்.

English Couplet

When lust and wrath and error’s triple tyranny is o’er,
Their very names for aye extinct, then pain shall be no more.
Couplet Explanation:

If the very names of these three things, desire, anger, and confusion of mind, be destroyed, then will also perish the evils (which flow from them).

Successful Satisfaction

A successful person is 100% is satisfied. Do you all agree? What your brain says? Note it down ( may be,”be aware” what your brain says)

A satisfied person is 100% successful. Do you all agree? Now what your brain says?

Do you think its contradictory? If yes!! Think why its contradictory? If no, you got me dood:). Okay lets focus on the answers

If YES! Contradictory means being opposite. How come 0 and 100 be the same? How come black and white be the same? Its not gonna happen right? Then how come a satisfied person can be 100% happy? How can we approve??? Not even once in our culture, world we live in can accept a satisfied person as a successful person. Because we all said that 1+1=2 and we all agreed for it, casted our votes and this group behaviour gives a sense of relief, we are not the odd one out( again we are conditioned to feel awkward when we are the odd one out) coming back to the point, when a satisfied person is 100% successful, still feeling the discomfort in the statement? May be due to the under-exposure! Exposure is nothing but learning opportunities that has been created by the society, family, school and the individual. When 1+1=2 is right, then 0+2=2, -1+3=2, -4+6=2… ~ is also “right”- right? When you don’t understand the above calculation, the. You are under-exposure to the mathematical formulas… Do you all agree? I think 99% can agree on this coz 99% people are feeling proud that they are exposed to -1+3=2 calculation and those who understand this will be seem as, Oh pity! 99% people dopamine levels are increased since they achieved the calculation. Knowing this -1+3=2 is very phenomenal and given a award, a car and a house and million dollar cheque. How does it feel? Silly? Or Exclaimed? Or Justified? What else?

People need communication to survive as much as they need their food, shelter, clothing and sex. Communication help people to stay intact, it gives sense of belongingness, sometimes act as a reward mechanism and when it comes to reward, people have higher level of dopamine released and that may be a kind of addiction to be precise. People communicated a lot, a lot, a lotttt and they agreed on certain statements and that statements become the norms( unwritten) of the society. It is as simple as pleasure – pain principal, that I studied in my under graduate. Child wants chocolate (pleasure) and child do not want a punishment (pain). Child learns the norms of the society by the pleasure and pain principal – follow a norm- chocolate- dopamine released – sense of belongingness increases- group bonding increases- so on….

Oh NO! I forgot to mention the Individual’s thought, feelings, emotions in the business of pleasure market. Wait, how can a individual have thoughts, feelings and emotions seperately? That’s not written in the norm. We already mentioned in the norms on how to individual should feel, think and behave.

Humans came from animal and animals can be trained. Animals are territorial and human are too at times. Animals have language to communicate and humans have too. In this world, we are just humans, an updated version of animals with few core processor like thinking, feeling, problem solving and so on…

If a successful person is 100% satisfied can be accepted without any discomfort means A satisfied person is 100% successful should also be accepted without any discomfort.

If a satisfied person is 100% successful or a successful person is 100% satisfied one should be able to accept it without judgement/ discomfort/ uneasiness/ with smile and warm hug. Because humans need other humans to communicate, a key to survival, they want dopamine to be released occasionally inorder to function properly.

One can decide the control of their dopamine release. Either they can (they) have it on their own or put it across the others.

When you feel any discomfort over any statement, you need to give it a shot – why am I feeling this way? Look at the source, look at how your society/family/community works! Are you in allignment with them? With their norms? If yes, well and good! If not, well and good.

There is no Right or Wrong. There is success or failure. It is the process, flow and its okay to do anything and also nothing. All are same as long as your dopamine are released.

So A successful person can be satisfied 100% and also A satisfied person can be successful 100%.

Truly being yourself?

I am really thinking of the title of this post… suggest me if you can find best.

Whoever reading this definitely will have a mobile phone, laptop, tab or pad more importantly connected to the internet.

The term inter- like internet- interpersonal and intrapersonal is there. Most of us are struggling to have long-lasting interpersonal relationships. While some are trying to build a long-lasting relationship through the facility of internet. Yes it’s happening, internet help us to be stay connected.

If everything is alright with the internet means, what’s the problem?! Ever wondered?

I was in a love relationship, never thought I would make it to the marriage (In Indian society) because we communicated through the whatsapp for most of the time. In 2020 we got married and happened to stay under same roof, we were into the phone then to talk to and have adrenaline rush, but now we share the same roof yet started to complain about the quality time.

Nowadays AI have developed drastically and sometimes you don’t need to think much since your search for the food, uber cab, etc since everything is been registered somewhere in the name of AI. If you are hungry your swiggy or Zomato will tell your favourite food with amazing offers, you don’t need to think much about your transportation because uber is already waiting with the mind-blowing offers.

Now you either got your food or got into the cab, opening up any social media platforms just to kill or eat the time the way you want! Since it’s your time and no one should tell how you should spend your time! While your social media account has already been ready with the videos that you should watch or like or share.

Have you ever typed video of your interest in the search box rather than scrolling down the favourites that been platted in your feed.

You watch one video that came as an recommendation, you probably like that AI recommendation and it will start giving more like it and it reinforces the existing idea or you develop idea based on it. The more you like it, the more it is relatable, the more its reinforcing that particular notion.

Now, can you all take up a second to think what’s your priorities and how much time you have spent for it?

Human brain can be easily persuaded with right amount of techniques and tactics. Those who know the tactics are the capitalist and those who complain about the unfair world is where the tactics and techniques are been used.

You can’t be a Picasso for everyone but for one to whom you are drawing.

Take away..

Listen to your thoughts
Prioritise
Use your time wisely
Use internet to facilitate interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.

Thirukural and Perseverance.

It’s been a long time since I have written something. I was unemployed and covid -19 pandemic was rising, there was a situation where education institutions was sending out the employees ( I forget to mention, I work as assistant professor in Psychology) and cutting down the salaries. I am totally occupied with anxiety whatever anxiety you call may be career anxiety or financial anxiety or life crisis when you get to pay the bills but not employed.

At that point of time you regret about not doing an MBA or to start some petty shop! I was that point and my anxiety was over ruling me.

You know, when you Google about zero investment and the first results is blogging… yes, what you thought right now is correct! I started to blog on various things which I was passionate about. I am traveling with Psychology for a decade.

On August by God’s grace and with my job searching skills and also with the qualifications I possess, I was recruited, there was I untill now, hiding!!

Okay, let’s start with the process of gardening, I actually planted a kitchen tomato in my corridor steps in a green bag which I bought from a nursery.

Why am I/ one can start(ing) with Gardening??

The answer is simple, a lot of you might have experienced the peak of enthusiasm on about starting a new school or a college or a healthy lifestyle or even sometimes relationships!!! Now, there is a question, how long this enthusiasm will lasts?? To me personally, it’s drops down once I get it in my handddd.

I wondered whether I need to struggle to keep that enthusiasm or just keep going with the flow?.

Then I thought of keeping it low! That is no peaking at the start but going with the flow similar to the process of a seed to fruits. Yes! To get the fruit, the real fruit, it needs soil, a fertile soil, seed, a seed that has the potential to grow into a sapling, and usual 3rd grade science on life of a plant, that is light and water.

Our process towards anything, be it a relationship or cooking tonight. It is a process and it needs it’s input, so that you enjoy the fruit.

To put it simply, you need patience, perseverance, the ability to stick on to which you have started inorder to gain what you have intended or atleast the experience for lifetime.

குறள் 668:

கலங்காது கண்ட வினைக்கண் துளங்காது
தூக்கங் கடிந்து செயல்.

Transliteration(Tamil to English):

kalangaadhu kaNda vinaikkaN thuLangaadhu
thookkanG katindhu seyal

Above is a couplet from Thirukural, which says that, once you have started an act, on the whole of heart, after all the evaluations done, it must me be completed without any delay or lack of enthusiasm.

Why should you do/ follow this?

If you leave an act in between the process, that you started, might sound good and gives you the feeling of time saver! But indirectly or might be watering the animal instinct within you/ us.

Finishing up what you started, gives you the feeling of wholeness, satisfaction and precious experience for a life time and definitely gives you the rush of dopamine, the enlightenment which is totally opposite of rage, self doubt and anxiety of starting a act again, as a result of unfinished business.

All of us have both finished and unfinished business, now it’s a time to finish off that damn unfinished business. Comment your way through of starting an act and ending it, also sometimes take this opportunity to think about your unfinished business in relationship or as a kiddo if you have ever started to grow a fish or a planted a sapling as an hobby, might kick start now to finish those and to get all the rights to for the rush of dopamine!

Stay tuned, stay healthy and safe.

Mental Health for ALL- World Mental Health Day 2020

Today is World Mental Health Day! It’s a great time to talk about the importance of Mental Health for all! How it is important for every human in this world to have the right for food, shelter, safety, education and medicine, Mental health is also equally important.

Awareness about health and hygiene is still on progress and not yet achieved fully in all countries. Even developed and developing countries cannot fully take care of slums. Physical health awareness has started to bud and now it’s time to take care of everyone’s Psychological well being.

Physical Well being and Psychological Well being go hand in hand. Individuals with intact psychological health recovered earlier from physical illness and relapse rate is also low when compared with the individuals who doesn’t have the awareness about it.

Over 90 million Indians, or 7.5 percent of the country’s population of 1.3 billion, suffer from some form of mental disorder, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), 2020.

When looking world wide, 792 million people lived with a mental health disorder. This is slightly more than one in ten people globally (10.7%), i.e 1 in 7 people suffer from mental disorder.

To your knowledge, these are the report of under diagnosed data. So it might change in coming years when there is a proper channel to utilize the mental health.

It is a high time to shout out that, Mental Illness is a Global Problem. Because more than 330 million people suffer from depression. Added to that, this Pandemic situation, COVID-19 has created a mental health crisis, “The isolation, the fear, the uncertainty, the economic turmoil – they all cause or could cause psychological distress,” said Devora Kestel, WHO.

Most children have been suffering from depression and anxiety due to the loss of loved ones in this Pandemic situation. To reach everyone with mental health services, online platform and tele-counselling has been started to provide emergency mental health services.

This online and tele counselling during pandemic has reached some corner of the world, though it’s not same as direct counseling yet a good kick start to MENTAL HEALTH FOR ALL. People can reach out to mental health professionals instantly with these means of technology. Apart from technological advances, mental health services should be available to everyone in every corner of the world. Like health insurance covers all physical illness, it should also include mental illness in their insurance package. Right from Primary Health Care centre to Multi speciality hospital, mental health services should be reachable to every person in the world.

Warm regards,

Durga Devi, Psychologist, Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology.

Water – Psychology and Thirukural!

Yes! How many of you like beach? Have you smiled when looking at a fountain?? Have you been happy while seeing Rain! Does it doubles when you get wet in it?! What is your most favorite place in nature? Does that place include water body? For most of the people, their favorite places includes water!!!

Right from the house, individuals express their emotions with water… Yes! With water – while bathing either they express themselves or drain their emotions with water. Drinking water gives us energy but also plays a major part in brain functioning. Poor water and hygiene can lead to mental health disorders.

நீர்இன்று அமையாது உலகெனின் யார்யார்க்கும்
வான்இன்று அமையாது ஒழுக்கு.

When water fails, functions of nature cease, you say;
Thus when rain fails, no men can walk in ‘duty’s ordered way’

Here Thiruvalluvar has mentioned about the importance of water for the living. From the Psychological persceptive, water helps the humans to be with intact mental health. If humans are not able to drink pure water and their mental health goes upside down. Water keeps the World and Human intact!!!

Cognitive scientist has discovered that, not only houses, an office with fountain and aquatic set up increases focus, promotes clamness, improves creativity, enhances sleeping quality, creates positive mood and enhances mental health and well being. One’s mood can be easily manipulated with and without water. Summer,Rainy, Spring and Winter seasons would be the examples of that.

“All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came.”

– President John F. Kennedy

Being by ocean, definitely increases individual’s energy as most of us felt. The minerals in the sea air reduces stress and aids improved mental alertness. Though we are facing the noise pollution, we can never complain about the sounds of water in Sea and other water bodies. The sound of water gives peace of mind and helps in meditation. We would definitely felt peace of mind and some sort of clarity when being with sea and water bodies.

Even brain studies has found that sound of sea produces a rhythm, that would affect the brain waves positively encouraging a peace of mind. This white noise – sound of water/ sea improves a person’s altruism and kindness. Mostly people will have a lighter feeling in their heart after being with sea!

Sometimes being with water or sea just bring the same effect mentally with that of meditation!!! Or simply representing water in the mind also reduces stress even in chronic pain. It’s been termed as “The Blue Mind”- simply being with water brings unity, satisfaction and general happiness! Just wondering Tamil Nadu’s Jallikatu protest could have been enhanced with the effect of sea on mental health!

Apart from all these proven ways to improve mental health by being by/with sea, everyone of us will definitely connected to the water personally! For example drinking water or taking a bath would help one to reduce anxiety or anger! Sometimes individual would share their happiness or sadness with water through sea or water bodies.

How to create natural therapeutic environment with water? Here are the few ways :

1. Set up an aquarium

2. Smalls fountain with water sound

3. Artificial aquarium

4. Poster with your favorite water place.

5. Setting up a flower bowl with water.

Also share your connectivity with water and how creatively you always connect with water and keeping water around you!!!

What hurts you most??? Have you overcome of it???

Everyone one wishes on your birthday expect your loved one, he/ she talks to you without remembering the occasion and you need to reply as if nothing affecting you? Does it pain? When you know there is no chance of getting what you desired and worked hard for? Being an unemployed who struggled to swallow the food with tear in eyes?? Seeing your loved ones avoiding you while being happy with others. Had faced the difficulty of running a family with smile in lips and tears in eyes?

It’s a more personal feeling. If you are getting hurt means, then it was something personal to you. Both the feelings and the person or any behavior of others. People with the feeling of hurt will undergo the psychological pain just as similar as physical pain. Best example could be love hurts to “Broken heart syndrome“. Because emotional pain is same as physical pain.

Whoever gets hurt would think their life has the darkest page in the world. They literally feel there is no reason to live anymore. Okay? Is this your feelings or reaction of your feelings?? Above situations would definitely a disappointment, which questions your beliefs, in turn debate with positive and negative emotions, one of it wins.

Emotional pain is real pain. Let’s look at it even deeper, individuals get physical pain when they become weak likewise emotional pain can over take you, once your self esteem is low and self doubt is high. One can become a dominant person and submissive person based on their emotion in any given moment.

The first step to recover from emotional pain is to, “Question”. Question the feelings, thoughts and behavior which hurts you. Because questioning own emotions will lead to surprising answers, for example, when your loved one betrays, you feel the pain. Instead of that, question what had just happened?

Second step is to “Accept”. When you start accepting the uncontrollable things in your life, you are creating a path to let go! Yes, after knowing the affair, your future plans has shuttered , you might have to work hard to build it alone and you need to accept it.

Third step is to “Free From Fear”. Sometimes fear won’t let you grow, it takes enormous courage and motivation to face the fear but it will definitely give you a fruit. “It’s okay to be Not Okay”, So once you started to face the fear of getting hurt again or the hurt that killing you now should be vanished with you zeal!.

Fourth step is “Emotional regulation”. Once you have emotional pain, it will create Automatic Negative Thoughts, anxiousness, self defeat and unregulated thoughts. As soon as there is a emotional pain, stress hormone will secreted and there by is better to use the defense mechanism effectively. Using Rationalisation would help you to know what is happening around you. Rationalisation or thinking it not worth for feeling may question your value and belief system but plasticity in the neurons and brain and adaptive mechanism of our body will help you in the healing process once you kick started it.

Lastly, It hurts, it hurts much. Yes we know it. But you are capable of moving on… Keep yourself busy, Pat yourself for handling the situation of yours, because the problems are given to you means, you are capable of facing it. So it’s your turn to show effectively you are dealing with it. Each hurdle makes you strong. Time is the best healer, you may laugh at what you are crying now, that’s the power of time. It’s okay to feel Not Okay:)